In business as in life, there comes a time for most of us, when we have to face a dark time. Dark clouds are as common as the weather changes. Sometimes, it may seem like they are here to stay forever, but life being unpredictable also dishes out the ‘good’ stuff.
So do not fret but do not stay on that couch too long.
There are some necessary things to understand about suffering: (I share this with you as a coach and as a fellow human being who has suffered through challenges)
1. You can choose to prolong the suffering unnecessarily with unnecessary drama or significance. Have compassion for yourself – give some space to vent and to take it easy – but remember to keep the ‘edge of accountability and responsibility’ to resolution and creating a breakthrough.
2. The suffering may be typically an indicator for you to deal with something internal – if you do not want to repeat this challenge, this may be the time to create more awareness of habits, ways of being etc. that may not be working for you.
3. If you deal with the suffering courageously and with your ‘full face and honesty’, you will come out of this stronger.
4. To piggy back on #3 above, you will come out not only stronger but with the opportunity to truly transform who you are in a powerful and good way.
There are five stages to any transformation through a challenging or difficult time?
Notice your feelings, body sensations, thoughts, opinions, images in your mind, and do not try to change them. Just observe them for now.
Write down the facts i.e. what happened – not opinions but what actually happened. Keep reviewing what happened on that piece of paper – refine and review if you need to until you are clear that you have only the facts down. Notice any feelings, etc. that come up when you review the facts.
2. Normalization – where the feelings and reactions become normal or resolved.
Ask yourself the following questions:
a. Are you willing to forgive yourself or others for what happened?
b. Are you willing to let the feelings be and eventually disappear?
3. New Future or New Vision or New Context or “Recontextualization”
Create a new mission statement comprising of 3 sentences maximum that express what you want in your future. Memorize this statement so you can state this statement daily to yourself.
4. Structures for Fulfilling the new Future
Armed with this next future or vision or mission statement, ask yourself what systems or structures (e.g. plans with milestones etc.) do you need to take this to fulfillment.
5. Accountability till the new Future is a done deal!
Ask yourself what kind of rigorous accountability you will need to make sure that this new future is resolved and your current challenges are a thing of the past?
I have oversimplified the steps above because they are impossible to convey in an article. This process is best done in dialogue with a coach. Reach out to me if you would like to set up a time to chat.
Much kindness and success to you!